I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Randomize
