Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
