Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
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Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
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I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
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