i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
