Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
i think i scared a bird with my dick
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I can feel your judgement through the phone
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
