So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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