I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
