Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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