feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
this will be a night to untag.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
