I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
