i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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