atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Everyone says I win the strip club
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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