dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
