im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
