After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
