Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
i want to swaddle you in tequila
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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