it was like fucking gandolphs beard
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
