this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
