he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
