I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
