Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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