My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I just cut my nipple shaving
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
