Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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