i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
