If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
