I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
