I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
