Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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