Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
