if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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