Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
