If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I have fence marks all over my body
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Randomize
