Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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