I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
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