then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
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