Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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