I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
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