There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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