This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Randomize
