ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
