i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
