I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
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Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I didn't notice because vodka
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
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And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize