I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize