some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
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And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
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He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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