I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
