When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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