I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
