it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
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