peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
