Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
