Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Randomize
