someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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