dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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