Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I intend to get homeless drunk
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
