So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
