this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
