he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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