before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
