My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I look better un-naked...
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
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