well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
